Saturday, October 27, 2007

It's Okay

I wish someone was here to tell me that it's okay to be fat. That being fat is not such a horrible thing and the end of the world. That I don't look hideous and repulsive and that I'm not totally incapable of attracting someone.

I know I'm obese. I know it's not good for my health. I know that I look repulsive. I repulse myself with my fat. How could it get worse?! I know all these things. I am not that retarded.

But I wish someone was here to tell me that it's okay nonetheless.

All day I've been hearing about my fat. I mean, it's been happening ever since I got here. The shock at how much weight I've gained in the past year. The continual nagging about how I need to lose weight. But today was worse. Because today it was my cousin and my aunt, who decided to double-team me all day and all night.

I tell them that it's okay, I'll lose it in New Zealand. Then they ask how. I tell them, I won't have a car. Ergo, walking. Walking helped a lot at UCLA. But they argue, no, walking will not be enough. Not unless I get an apartment far away from work and walk back and forth every day. They demand that I need to exercise separately. And eat less. And eat healthier. (Which is all true, I know) I blame part of my weight on the fact that I eat a lot more than I used to. But my cousin says no, she used to eat so much when she was my age, and she was still half my size. Thanks a lot. That makes me feel so much better. My whole family is making a huge fuss about my weight. My cousin repeatedly tells me that this is supposed to be the peak of my good looks. If I don't look great now, I never will. I only have getting uglier to look forward to. That's exciting. So if I don't look great now, then what ever shall I do?! She continually tells me how she worries for me. I need to lose weight now. If not now, it'll never happen. My aunt demands that I must lose half of myself when I'm in New Zealand or--and that is literally what she said--I will never get a husband. Wow. Today was really all about my exciting future!

It was basically that, and more versions of that, all day and all night. And weaker versions of it on the days leading up to now. I could just really use a friend telling me that it's okay.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Korean Shopping

I went shopping today!! It was actually quite depressing, as to be expected, since everything was about half my size. I am determined to cut away half of myself in New Zealand (yes, unrealistic expectation, I know) and return to Korea and buy everything! Not only are the clothes cute, but all the little merchandise! I went to Art Box today, and the cute panda stuff was everywhere!!! I have to get myself an apartment or something in Korea so I can buy all the cute stuff I saw and fill the apartment with it! I must I must I must!

But quite a few purchases were made today. I bought quite a few cute fobby socks, which I love. And some cute fobby underwear. Keke. And my cousin bought me a couple cute fobby pajama pants. Yay for cute fobby things!!! *^^*

Oh, and my cousin bought me a pair of Converses yesterday! They are very pretty *^^* I even took pictures to share! But I'm too lazy at the moment to upload them. And right now I'm not happy with them because today, my I'm-going-to-walk-all-day day, was the day I chose to break them in. So my feet are quite unhappy at the moment. Yes, I am smart.

On another note, I got a mosquito bite. I thought coming in the fall would save me, but nope. The mosquito found me. And bit me. On my face. Thanks mosquito. And, as you know, I am allergic to mosquito bites, especially the mean Korean ones. So after a day, the right side of my face looked like it was coming down with leprosy. So today my cousin took me to the dermatologist today. I now have to take medicine for the next three days and apply not just one, but two!, layers of medication to the area for as long as it takes. But you know what the killer was? The fact that when the dermatologist was writing my prescription, she turns to me and asks, "Do you have diabetes or high blood pressure?"

I mean, I know I'm fat.. but really.. diabetes?!

It's so sad. But.. she does have a point. I'm just a few pounds lighter than I was three years ago when I was diagnosed with obesity. And the doctor did warn that if I continued my lifestyle, I would develop diabetes and heart problems. SIGH. I have all my weight hopes pinned on New Zealand. The country that I refuse to think about to avoid the panic attacks that will happen when I do.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

The Motherland

I have arrived in Korea, safe and sound! I am currently at my cousin's house in Hong Eun Dong, using his wireless internet to update you guys on my travelling.

So I departed from LAX on Monday at 1:30pm, after bidding my mum farewell and talking to some people on the phone (sorry if you weren't one of them--I still love you!). As a person who has never enjoyed flying Korea Airlines, I actually managed to not hate Asiana Airlines. I took two of my Dramamine orange-flavoured chewable tablets beforehand, and they work. I managed to sleep for a good portion of the flight, which is always good. I also felt that the food was better on Asiana, and the customer service was much better. Overall, I had a good experience. Which is something I am very grateful for, since I hate flying.

After my arrival around 5:50pm, I waited around for my baggage, which took a long time as usual, and met up with my cousin and his wifey around 6:40pm. Which is pretty good since I was scheduled to come out at 6:30pm. Only a 10 minute wait! Finally, a decent airport experience!

They then took me to this seafood restaurant along a beach and we had noodles and shrimp. The shrimp traumatised me, I must admit, because they were live when they were brought to us to be cooked. And the poor ugly dears (I can't handle shrimp when they still have their eyes and leggy thingamabobbers) were spasming the entire time they were being cooked.. I couldn't even look at them! And I cringed the entire time because I could hear their bodies hitting the pan as they were spasming. ICK. But the food was yum.

Part of me feels very nolstagic--I can remember being here last summer, and many things have stayed the same. But, at the same time, a lot of things have changed: my cousin has remodeled a lot of the house, so many things look and are different, so different. I don't really remember how to use the tube and the buses anymore so I feel.. hmmm.. out of the loop? I don't know how to express it. Sad. Anxious too. A whole mix of feelings.

Anyway, enough of that. I haven't really replied to anyone on FaceBook so don't feel left out that I've updated my status but haven't wall'd you. Thanks for all your warm wishes and I will be sure to update you on my travels! *^^*

{It's so weird--it's 6am in LA, but 10pm in Korea. I don't know whether I should be tired or not. Actually, x that. I am tired. And sleepy. Damn I'm old.}