Lately I've been bringing Blue Like Jazz with me to the gym. I can't really read it when I'm on the elliptical--although I did try once, and it worked until I accidentally dropped the book on the floor--but I read it afterwards when I'm on either the recumbent bike or the treadmill. I was inspired after seeing some older people reading while using the bike and decided it was a brilliant way for me to fit in my "daily reading". I bookmarked a couple passages to blog about yesterday because they really spoke to me. I seriously love what Donald Miller says in this book! (as if you haven't been able to tell from all my other blog posts :P)
In one chapter, Donald discusses the metaphors with which we think about relationships. Value, invest, bankrupt, priceless. These are all economic metaphors. This made him realise that we think of love as a commodity; we use it like money. But that's not how it works. God did not create love for us to trade like currency. Instead, as Donald writes, it should be "a free gift metaphor or a magnet metaphor. That is, instead of withholding love to change somebody, I poured it on, lavishly. I hoped that love would work like a magnet, pulling people from the mire and toward healing. I knew this was the way God loved me. God has never withheld love to teach me a lesson." (pg. 220)
I DO THAT. And by that I mean that I judge. I know, I know, we're not supposed to judge, and I try not to, but I can't help it. I do. I don't judge so much by social status symbols (I hope!) but more along the lines of grammar and etiquette and snobby things like that. I use love like money. I don't lavishly pour it on everyone. If you use your when you are supposed to use you're, you can be certain I will withhold my love from you. I am actually pretty stingy with my love now that I think about it. Why?
I AM SO SORRY. I am sorry for all the times I have not treated you with love. I am sorry for all the times I judged you and withheld my love as a result. I am sorry.
The chapter ended with this passage:
"When I am talking to somebody there are always two conversations going on. The first is on the surface; it is about politics or music or whatever it is our mouths are saying. The other is beneath the surface, on the level of the heart, and my heart is either communicating that I like the person I am talking to or I don't. God wants both conversations to be true. That is, we are supposed to speak truth in love. If both conversations are not true, God is not involved in the exchange, we are on our own, and on our own, we will lead people astray. The Bible says that if you talk to somebody with your mouth, and your heart does not love them, that you are like a person standing there smashing two cymbals together. You are only annoying everybody around you. I think that is very beautiful and true.
Now ... when I go to meet somebody, I pray that God will help me feel His love for them. I ask God to make it so both conversations, the one from the mouth and the one from the heart, are true." (pg 221)
This kind of reminded me of something I learned at church. There are four different types of communication: the actual words that we are expressing, the tonal voice we use to express those words, our facial expressions and our body language. We may say things that sound like they're full of love, but our facial expressions and our body language will reveal our true feelings (at least according to Lie to Me on TV). I want to be someone who is sincere in all ways. I want my surface conversation to match my heart conversation. And I pray that God will make it so.
"And so I have come to understand that strength, inner strength, comes from receiving love as much as it comes from giving it. I think apart from the idea that I am a sinner and God forgives me, this is the greatest lesson I have ever learned. When you get it, it changes you. My friend Julie from Seattle told me that the main prayer she prays for her husband is that he will be able to receive love. And this is the prayer I pray for all my friends because it is the key to happiness. God's love will never change us if we don't accept it." (pg 232)
I pray that I will be able to receive love. I pray that you will be able to receive love. Amen.
In one chapter, Donald discusses the metaphors with which we think about relationships. Value, invest, bankrupt, priceless. These are all economic metaphors. This made him realise that we think of love as a commodity; we use it like money. But that's not how it works. God did not create love for us to trade like currency. Instead, as Donald writes, it should be "a free gift metaphor or a magnet metaphor. That is, instead of withholding love to change somebody, I poured it on, lavishly. I hoped that love would work like a magnet, pulling people from the mire and toward healing. I knew this was the way God loved me. God has never withheld love to teach me a lesson." (pg. 220)
I DO THAT. And by that I mean that I judge. I know, I know, we're not supposed to judge, and I try not to, but I can't help it. I do. I don't judge so much by social status symbols (I hope!) but more along the lines of grammar and etiquette and snobby things like that. I use love like money. I don't lavishly pour it on everyone. If you use your when you are supposed to use you're, you can be certain I will withhold my love from you. I am actually pretty stingy with my love now that I think about it. Why?
I AM SO SORRY. I am sorry for all the times I have not treated you with love. I am sorry for all the times I judged you and withheld my love as a result. I am sorry.
The chapter ended with this passage:
"When I am talking to somebody there are always two conversations going on. The first is on the surface; it is about politics or music or whatever it is our mouths are saying. The other is beneath the surface, on the level of the heart, and my heart is either communicating that I like the person I am talking to or I don't. God wants both conversations to be true. That is, we are supposed to speak truth in love. If both conversations are not true, God is not involved in the exchange, we are on our own, and on our own, we will lead people astray. The Bible says that if you talk to somebody with your mouth, and your heart does not love them, that you are like a person standing there smashing two cymbals together. You are only annoying everybody around you. I think that is very beautiful and true.
Now ... when I go to meet somebody, I pray that God will help me feel His love for them. I ask God to make it so both conversations, the one from the mouth and the one from the heart, are true." (pg 221)
This kind of reminded me of something I learned at church. There are four different types of communication: the actual words that we are expressing, the tonal voice we use to express those words, our facial expressions and our body language. We may say things that sound like they're full of love, but our facial expressions and our body language will reveal our true feelings (at least according to Lie to Me on TV). I want to be someone who is sincere in all ways. I want my surface conversation to match my heart conversation. And I pray that God will make it so.
"And so I have come to understand that strength, inner strength, comes from receiving love as much as it comes from giving it. I think apart from the idea that I am a sinner and God forgives me, this is the greatest lesson I have ever learned. When you get it, it changes you. My friend Julie from Seattle told me that the main prayer she prays for her husband is that he will be able to receive love. And this is the prayer I pray for all my friends because it is the key to happiness. God's love will never change us if we don't accept it." (pg 232)
I pray that I will be able to receive love. I pray that you will be able to receive love. Amen.
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